fart *before* class, not *during*

i quit smoking (with the exception of the 4-5 drags i had of an american spirit that i split with angelina last weekend) around 4 weeks ago.

with that abrupt decision, came the print outs of the weekly schedules from two very accessible new york sports clubs that i can hit up on my way to, during, or on my way home from work.

on tuesday, i did my very first class. listed as... >NEW 06:30PM POWER DANCE
w000t!!! sounded like fun to me. time for me to let loose and release my inner fly girl and channel j-lo and those other broads from in living color. i got to the class to find that about 10 out of the 13 of us that were there already knew one another and were BFFs with the instructor, who then proceeded to bust out in the routine that they had all been doing for the past however many weeks. teacher didn't even ask if newbies were in the class... didn't go over the box moves, arm movements, or fancy foot work more than twice. and when the fergie, or whatever bullshit fast dance song came on, it was all over. i felt like i was on some strange drug failing miserably at trying to follow the steps from the hot, had-on-a-sports-bra-wearing-wash-board-abs sporting caublanasian girl whirling around in front of me. she was my only source of guidance... and at one point she stepped off to get some water, and i stopped too. well. at the end of class, i decided that i would not subject myself to that again. i'll save my flygirl moves for when i'm home swiffering.

oh thursday, i did my second class. listed as...07:30 PILATES-BASED MAT
this was way more up my alley. when i first walked in, a girl asked me if i needed a mat and handed me one! then i copied everyone else and took off my shoes and socks... and in walks our teacher. he proceeded to catch everyones towels and mats on fire upon entering the dance studio from the trail of flames that emerged off of his flexi-boy body. he was extremely thorough, and patient, and made little jokes, and i felt comfortable from the moment that he walked in. i felt even more at ease when at one point, we were all on our backs about to go in to a bicycle-like position, and some girl straight ripped a fart that ignited more flames that were already burning from our teacher. everyone giggled... including our teacher, and he just laughed it off saying that it was completely natural, and that everyone should fart at one point, because it just means youre relaxed.

i will be back at 07:30 PILATES-BASED MAT next thursday, but i'm gonna make sure that i don't have any broccoli, or milk, or anything like that at least 12 hours before... because i am gonna make sure that i get all of my farts out before class, not during.